Make Things Right after Lying to Your Partner

By Ronit Cytheria |
|7 min read

Honesty may be the best policy, but in reality, lies are very common in our lives. Most people tell lies here and there. Sometimes, even the most loving couples lie to each other. After all, lying can be as small as saying you're fine after a rough day.

While white lies can be benign, bigger lies can pile up over time and cause regret. That's why it's very common to hear things like, "I lied to my husband, and I wish I didn't,” or "I regret lying to my partner. What should I do to make things right?”.

You're probably here because of that same reason. If you regret lying to your partner, read on to find out the real reason as to why you did that and how you can deal with the situation.

Common Signs of Lying

"I lied to my husband. Do you think he knows?” Believe it or not, your partner might have caught you lying and said nothing about it. Maybe it's because they love you, want to avoid confrontations, or simply because they trust you, even if you've told them small lies now and then.

You might be able to tell when your partner lies to you, especially if you've known each other for years. Your spouse can tell when you lie to them, as well - even if you think you're great at acting. Here are some common and easy-to-spot signs of lying.

Changes in body language

Even if you think you're good at covering up your lies, your body language often betrays you. You might be touching your hair, chin, neck, or arm excessively. Your body language may not match what you're saying, like nodding even though you're saying no.

Excessive or total avoidance of eye contact

Another telltale sign of lying is eye contact. Your partner likely knows the amount of eye contact you usually make. For that reason, they may suspect that something is off when you're suddenly staring intensely at them or avoiding their eyes completely.

Changes in daily habits

When your spouse lies, they may change their daily habits; this is often done to keep up with their lies or because they feel guilty. The same thing applies to you, as well. You may not notice it, but your spouse might. Any changes to your daily habit, even if it's as simple as waking up earlier, can be a telltale sign.

Defensiveness about certain topics

Most people get very defensive when they lie to avoid getting caught. After being with you for a while, your partner will be able to tell if you're being defensive about something. For example, getting angry when a certain topic is brought up.

Everyone else says so

Sometimes the sign can come from outside. Namely, someone else may be the one to tell your partner that you're lying. Your spouse may ignore this sign if only one friend is telling them that you're lying. But if everyone says you're lying, your partner may eventually believe it.

Reasons Why You Lied

Now that you realize your partner may be on to you, let's figure out how to make things right. First, you must know the reasons behind your lie . Here are some common reasons as to why people lie to their partners.

Avoid conflict

You might be afraid of telling the truth because it may cause a fight. Avoiding conflicts is an important part of a relationship, but some facts simply can't be buried. Eventually, you'll have to face your partner and tell the truth.

Avoid hurting their feelings

"I lied to my husband so he doesn't get hurt.” If it's a white lie, you may have told it to avoid hurting your partner's feelings. While it may be good to shield their feelings, they still deserve the truth, even if it may hurt them at first.

Afraid of losing your partner

You might have made a mistake and are now afraid of losing your partner. You may also be afraid of the rejection you might face if you're caught making that mistake.

Cover up the past

Everyone has a part of their past that they want to forget. It may be embarrassing or hurtful for you to admit it, but sometimes confiding in your partner can actually help you cope with your past.

Appear perfect

Some people are just perfectionists and want to appear like the best version of themselves. So, sometimes you might lie to cover up your mistakes from your partner.

Dealing with Lies and Repairing the Relationship

And now for the most difficult part: how to deal with the situation. If you only told a small lie, it may be easy to confess and regain your partner's trust. But if you've spun a complicated web of lies, it may be harder to deal with them and repair your relationship.

Nevertheless, it's something you must face. Here's the best way to approach this subject.

Analyze the lie

First, let's analyze the severity of the lie. Knowing this can help you approach the subject more carefully.

  • Figure out if it's a white lie or a harmful one. If it's a harmful one, that doesn't mean you should keep quiet about it. You must still fess up to your partner, just do it more carefully and tactfully.
  • Think rationally. Consider the context around your lie and determine why you felt the need to lie. This way, you can explain the situation to your partner more easily.

Discuss why you lied

Then, open up the discussion with your partner. Try talking during a good time, not after a rough day at work or after a fight. This will help create a safe and open environment between you two.

  • Before telling your partner, you must first be truthful to yourself. Admit why you lied and think rationally about the situation. Then, figure out how you can confess to your partner.
  • Start talking with your partner. Open up the conversation and admit your lie in a good way. Don't raise your voice or blame them for the situation. Remember that you're the one at fault, and you're here to make things right

Communicate honestly

During the discussion, you must communicate honestly. This is not the time to make up more lies. Instead, be completely truthful and open up to your partner.

  • Give your partner the time to face the lie. It may be hard for them to find out about your lie at first. If they're angry or upset, that's okay. Give them the time and space they need.
  • Emphasize the importance of trust. Even if you've lied to your partner, trust is still an important part of your relationship. Apologize to your partner and tell them that you'd like to make things right and that you've realized the importance of trust.

Create a safe and private space

For the sake of your relationship, you must try your best at avoiding more lies in the future. While some lies are unavoidable, try to be honest with your partner. To achieve that, create a safe and private space. Realize that both of you need privacy. You don't have to tell every single detail about your day to your partner and vice versa. Instead, build your relationship on a foundation of trust and love.

Give each other positive support

Lastly, always try to be accepting and supportive in your relationship. Bad situations drive people to lie. To avoid that, try to be more supportive with each other. By giving support to each other, you can strengthen your relationship and thus, reduce the chances of lying towards each other.

Takeaway Message

At the end of the day, we must all realize that lies are a common part of our lives and relationships. You must realize that lying doesn't make you a bad person, and that applies when your spouse lies to you, as well. The most important thing to do is to be courageous enough to confess your lies and make things right.

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