Why Does It Take So Long To Forgive People?

By Habiba |
|5 min read

"Forgiveness is the purification of the soul by letting go of the pain and anxieties of the past." How to forgive a person's evil acts is a burning question that is often asked by the victims. A person cannot move on with his or her life until he or she decides to let go of the past bad experiences. You will face numerous occasions when you need to forgive someone, but you would fail to do so because forgiveness is not something that you can give to someone on a plate. Instead, it requires a courageous heart and strong willpower to let go of the pain. Eva Kor — the Auschwitz survivor of Nazi torture, took a half-century to realize that forgiveness is essential to move on in life, and she could not feel genuine happiness until she freed herself from the burden of the past. Similarly, the more pain the victim is suffering, the harder it would be to forgive.

How To Forgive Someone Who Caused You Pain?

Unfortunately, we are part of a world where it's cool to brag about the revenge stories instead of the peaceful tales of forgiveness. Remember that by forgiving someone, you are giving yourself a chance to move in your life.

Maya Angelou has gifted her followers with many beautiful poems, songs, and speeches, but these are her most beautiful words.

"That is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself, to forgive — forgive everybody."

Undoubtedly this is the best advice Maya Angelou could give to us. You might question yourself, "How can I forgive her? She ruined my favorite dress; it is hard to forgive her after the mean things she said about me. How to forgive these wicked actions is a difficult question. Despite all of your doubts, forgiveness is the best remedy for a peaceful mind and soul.

1. Wait for the Right Time

Forgiveness is not a random feeling — a person doesn't wake up in the morning and decide to forgive everyone. Notably, the victims with a hard past go through a rash wave of emotions that may contain anger, regret, humiliation, sense of loss, and a lot more complex emotional experiences. Do not overburden yourself with the massive responsibility of forgiving everyone in your life. It may be impossible to forgive anyone that caused a traumatic experience to you right at this moment. Wait for the right time, and you will be able to forgive others.

2. Acceptance of the Past

It sounds effortless to advise someone to radiate positive vibes and let go of past experiences. But in reality, the thought of forgiving an unkind person often paralyzes our senses. However, a genuine acceptance of the fact that you cannot undo your past is the only solution to forgiving someone.

Victims of child abuse, rape, and even acid attacks suffer their entire life due to a troubling experience, and the holding of past events aggravates their pain. A painter has rightly said that you cannot paint a new portrait on a dirty canvas. Letting go of the painful moments doesn't change your past, but it helps you in finding solace in what you still have.

3. Look Forward

"A single page in a book does not describe the whole story."

Likewise, a single bad experience should not hold you back from enjoying your life to the fullest. Is a cheating partner, disloyal friend, or a lousy colleague worthy enough to stop you from utilizing your full potential? Of course not, you deserve much better things than getting angry at someone.

A significant number of people admit that they find it impossible to forget about the bad stuff they suffered in the past, and that is perfectly normal. They also admitted that they suffered the very same traumatic pain by holding in their anger. In short, it was way easier to forgive and forget.

Why is Forgiving Essential for All of Us?

You cannot win a race if a rope is tied to your horse. A horse must be healthy and free to move for you to at least try to win the race. Bad experiences and a troubled past also keep you tied to those dark patches of your life. No matter how much a person struggles to find inner peace, these resentments always find a way to shatter his or her happiness.

Unforgiving persons always find themselves stuck in the past, and they hardly move on. Unforgiveness is like a seed that grows bigger with time and numbs the senses of a person. Imagine how hard it is to move on in life if you keep yourself reminding of all the bad times you had faced. Furthermore, the pain caused by unforgiveness also creates health problems for a person.

As a victim, you have tolerated quite a lot of pain in the past; do you want to experience that kind of pain your whole life? No one wants that. Pardoning those people, even if they do not deserve forgiveness, saves you from experiencing those terrible emotions that you are running away from in the first place.

Words of Wisdom

You must understand that by forgiving someone, you are not accepting their wicked deeds, but instead, you give them a message that their evil acts cannot destroy your beautiful personality. How to forgive someone is a tough question, but you can learn to forgive others by following the advice given in this article.



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